The great god of war, Thor, decides he needs some female company. So he looks on the world, sticks his finger on Dublin and decides he’ll go there.
He arrives on a Saturday night, and ends up in Slapperface Jacks. He pulls, and brings his conquest to his lair. She is a lively young maiden, thinks Thor. She speaks with a lisp, which the great god thinks is charming. After a particularly vigorous session, his partner excuses herself and heads for the toilet.
Thor feels guilty. He is a god after all, and this human woman may think all men should have his prowess. So he gently knocks on the door of the toilet.
“Yeeeh? Whatcha want?”
He replies “There is something you should know. I am Thor…”
The great god of war, Thor, decides he needs some female company. So he looks on the world, sticks his finger on Dublin and decides he’ll go there.
He arrives on a Saturday night, and ends up in Slapperface Jacks. He pulls, and brings his conquest to his lair. She is a lively young maiden, thinks Thor. She speaks with a lisp, which the great god thinks is charming. After a particularly vigorous session, his partner excuses herself and heads for the toilet.
Thor feels guilty. He is a god after all, and this human woman may think all men should have his prowess. So he gently knocks on the door of the toilet.
“Yeeeh? Whatcha want?”
He replies “There is something you should know. I am Thor…”
It started last week. The fidgeting, the blood stirring. Knowing that the match this weekend was coming up. Tomorrow evening in Thomond Park, Munster and Leinster meet for the second time this season.
There are many celebrated sporting derbies around the world, where the rivalry is fierce. In football, there’s Celtic v. Rangers, AC Milan v. Inter and River Plate v. Boca Juniors, among many others. Rugby doesn’t really have anything like the scale and passion of those, but if there is one that is shaping up to become a true, classic derby, it’s the clash of Ireland’s two premier provinces.
There was a time when Munster used to beat Leinster for fun. In 2006, Leinster had a home semi-final in the Heineken Cup, but when Munster showed up at the old Lansdowne Road stadium, their fans outnumbered Leinster’s by about nine to one. Munster crushed Leinster 30-6 that day and went on to claim their first Heineken Cup.
But it has all changed. In April 2009, Munster were in their pomp, crushing the Ospreys in the HC quarter final at Thomond. Leinster had just squeaked past Harlequins, 6-5, away (that was the infamous Bloodgate match.) Munster had just done the double on Leinster in the Magners League. They had whitewashed Leinster at the RDS and conceded only 5 points over both fixtures. Croke Park was booked and 82500 tickets were sold. This time the attendance was much more closely balanced. Munster were the odds-on favourites to win that day, but Leinster turned the tables and stunned the men in red with an intensity not seen before. It was the beginning of a sequence of Leinster wins over Munster that lasts to this day.
Ever since that day, Leinster have been the top dogs in Irish rugby. Where once, Munster would have been the bulk suppliers to the national team (especially from numbers 1 to 10), nowadays it’s Leinster. Next weekend, Munster make the journey to Brive for the quarter final of the Amlin Challenge Cup, while Leinster, red-hot favourites for the Heineken Cup, entertain Leicester at the Aviva Stadium.
Tomorrow’s match is a Magner’s League fixture, and this is one area where Munster have been doing very well this season. On paper, Munster can afford to lose this match, as they are 12 points clear of Leinster in the table. But this match will not be played on paper, but on the hallowed turf of Thomond Park. Munster don’t like losing to Leinster. In fact, Munster don’t like losing to anyone, especially on their home turf.
If we take the George Hook approach to this game, and add a to b and come up with c, then it should be an easy Leinster win. But I’m not so sure. It’s been all Leinster, Leinster, fucking Leinster in the press for too long now and we’re sick of it. Munster don’t need to win tomorrow for the sake of their Magner’s League campaign. It would be better to lose tomorrow and win when the sides surely meet in the knockout stages of the campaign next month. But they do not want to let Leinster stretch their winning streak over them any further than it stands already. It’s pride, and the red jersey.
I expect a vintage Heineken Cup-style performance from Munster tomorrow evening. And a win for the men in red.
This is a piece I wrote six years ago, on the evening of 21 December 2004.
I crossed the Boyne on the suspension bridge of the M1 this morning, at about ten past eight, just as the darkness of night was beginning to lift. This fine structure has become a symbol of Ireland’s recent prosperity, and we all marvelled at it when that section of the M1 opened in 2003. It looks very elaborate, but with modern construction techniques, bridges like these are relatively easy to build. Last week, an even more spectacular motorway bridge opened in France, designed by the celebrated British architect, Sir Norman Foster.
But as I crossed the bridge, my mind was drawn to another, more ancient monument scarcely a mile away. The morning sky was clear, ideal for the winter equinox in the Boyne Valley. A few lucky souls, chosen by a draw at the Brú na Boinne Centre would have the privilege of experiencing sunrise inside the Newgrange passage tomb on this day, the shortest of the year.
Newgrange, along with Knowth and Dowth, are the most important megalithic sites in Ireland. I have visted Newgrange a number of times, and every time, it just fills me with awe. I have brought friends from abroad there, all of whom came away speechless.
A quick explanation for anyone who may be unfamiliar with Newgrange: it is a cairn, dating from around 3000BC, made with a number of overlapping, corbelled stones, topped with a large capstone. The mound is covered in earth and all around it is clad in brilliant white quartz. At the base are 97 decorated kerbstones. The opening faces south and leads to a long narrow passage, at the end of which is a central cruciform chamber. When Newgrange was first excavated, cremated and partly-cremated human remains were found, so it is accepted that it was a burial chamber, probably for the most prominent members of the community.
Yet, it isn’t just a pile of stones, it is an incredible time-measuring instrument. Above the entrance is an opening, known as the roof-box. Every winter equinox, the rising sun casts a narrow beam of light through this aperture into the narrow passage, until it completely illuminates the burial chamber. The effect lasts for a few minutes and then the light recedes. The effect is visible for a couple of days either side of the equinox, but it is on the day itself that it is most spectacular.
It is mind-boggling that such a feat of engineering could be achieved by a community of people living in the area five thousand years ago. They hauled massive stones from as far away as Wicklow and the Mournes to build it. How did they take the measurements to ensure the accuracy of the monument? Did they do one or more and then discover they were out by a few feet? Remember they could only check the accuracy once a year!
To your average ancient man, Newgrange showed when winter had reached its peak and from then on the days would get longer and a new cycle would begin. Imagine, this was 5000 years ago, a millenium before Stonehenge and about 400 years before the pyramids of Egypt.
One visitor that I brought to Newgrange was a learned, well-travelled New Zealander. He had been to 3000 year old temples in Asia, and had visited major heritage sites all around the world, but had never heard of Newgrange. As we drove back to Dublin, he finally was able to articulate his thoughts about the place. He said “I can understand the hauling of the stones and the building of the thing. What amazes me is that someone actually had the vision, the idea, to do it.”
I crossed the Boyne this morning on my way to Donegal. From there I went to Sligo, Ballina and Boyle and got back to Dublin this evening at about 9pm. In all I covered 480 miles in just over 14 hours today, which is probably more than Newgrange man would have travelled in his life.
If Newgrange man could see our world today and the beautiful bridge over the Boyne, he would be astonished at what we have achieved. Yet, by looking at Newgrange today, I am no less astonished by what he achieved, 5000 years ago.
As a geek, I like to tune into the Technology slot on Monday’s Right Hook. If I miss it, I have it set up as a podcast, and can listen to it later. However, I think it can be improved on in several respects.
First of all, there is the duration of the slot. It’s too short to really get into its stride. By the time the 6.30 news headlines, the sport and the ad break are out of the way, it’s 6.40. The show wraps up shortly after 6.55, so we end up with a little over 15 minutes for the discussion. Could we get it going at 6.20?
Secondly, I think each show should have a theme. Have four broad themes like handheld devices (phones/media players, etc), photography/video, computing (desktops/notebooks/netbooks/tablets/cloud) and in-home technology (TV, gaming, etc.) and alternate them. (Granted there will be some degree of crossover between the categories.) Start with some news relevant to the week’s category and maybe a short review of a device, app or service.
Thirdly, invite the listeners to submit their queries throughout the whole show, again relevant to the topic on hand. Then pick a selection of these and let Joe think about them before answering. Too often, he’s stumped with a question that needs a bit of thought (“Can you recommend a good camera under €200?”) or one that deserves an RTFM reply. Also, similar queries keep cropping up week after week.
Fourthly, ban George from talking about his sodding Nokia 6310i!
Finally, post some show notes on the Newstalk website, with the answers to the listeners’ queries, model numbers of devices reviewed or recommended, and any follow-up information.